Tuesday 6 June 2017

I WANT A BLACK FUNERAL!

Symbolism.  The simple concept that one thing,  an item or idea stands for an alternate meaning, that one thing represents another other than itself.  
During those long and wondrously enjoyable literature seasons,  we used to spend ages trying to decipher what things stood for, even those that stood for themselves. 

Ken Walibora, one of my favorite Swahili novelists (among the few that I read), often used the weather to make a sneak peak into a fresh chapter.  Ominous and dark rain clouds for Ken and his readers usually mean that someone is going to die… or will wish to. You must rejoice therefore when there it is a warm sunny morning,  with bright rays, there is a marriage ahead. 
But that’s not the point.  

The color white. Yes,  I am talking about that white color. Most people,  well,  all people think and actually believe that white stands for purity. That it signifies flawlessness, perfection,  heaven.  Isn’t that why our dear lassies are going to FACO, buying whitening creams and spotting white weaves?  Do you remember that movie that had a character of God and he was dressed in black?  No you don’t.  I don’t remember it either. Have you ever seen a black angel before,  I mean apart from those teenage love letters?  
What do we usually sing in the church choir?  Oh yes, 

…wash me oh Lord, 
That whiter than snow, 
My spirit shall be.. 

What if I am a blackboard?  What if I am a car tyre?  What If I desire to be blacker than a raven’s wing?  I will be Excommunicated. Poor mother would never have the end of it if I told her my soul is black. It would be an early ticket to her grave.  

What people don’t understand is that symbolism can be manipulated to orchestrate a sinister form of deception.  You see, as long as there is a concept you believe to represent an alternate idea,  once that concept is present,  you will have the said idea,  with or without the latter’s presence. 

A king is king for example because he holds a scepter and lives in a palace.  Take that away and you will have a common man, with common doubts and fears,  who entered the universe through the same orifice like the beggar did.  

I am willing to wager that the devil would have a considerable following if he decided to shown up as an elderly white man,  with a long white beard and dressed in long flowing bright white robes.  After all,  what is white and impure?  


After all,  what is white and impure? 

Uncle Mukiibi, like a friend referred to him, the respected educationist, requested for a white funeral.  Why? He probably surmised that his soul was blacker than coals and wanting to con his way past St Peter,  he gambled on his clothing.  A pedophile, adulterous, fornicating (and most likely rapist) professor requested for a white funeral.  Who wasn’t fooled?  

I want a black funeral.  My coffin should be black. Let the guests dress in black and blondes must dye their hair coal black. Anyone who shows up even in grey will be expressly haunted by yours truly.  And I assure you I am not that friendly as a ghost. I will need a magician to be present and she must release crows instead of the ceremonial white doves, black doves will be a welcome bonus.  I want a black funeral. 

THE CHEERFUL BEGGAR.

I distaste this city. I distaste it with passion, a passion so deep, so viscous Micheal Phelps would take an hour to swim a hundred meters i...